As someone who writes, the thought of writing about a personal relationship has often scared me. The truth as its seen in my head has the power to hurt and create doubt in the mind of readers, without ever giving my partner the platform to say his piece. This sort of responsibility is not one that I take lightly but truth be told, writing has now become therapeutic and so today I break my long silence.
Being in an on-again off-again 7 year relationship has made me treasure the man I will always call my great love. Together, we begun as lust struck teenagers and grew well into the adult boots we have each individually picked out for ourselves.
These boots though, they don't match at all. Mine is thick soled and waterproof, for constantly being on the move while his is flat and dressy, perfect for that big corporate climb to the top. Somewhere along picking out our designated footwear, we parted ways at a crossroad without even knowing it. He went left and I went right.
I stomped my feet in my shiny new wellies, furious that he had not followed my lead and he stood strong, miles away, not willing to budge.We struggled for awhile, often calling out to each other but the distance between us had long swallowed our relationship whole.
Instead of taking steps backward, we've marched on, each in separate directions with a loose rope still attached to each other. On our journeys we would relive tales of adventures, injustices and joy to one another, each tempting the other to make the long trek back. But once we had each gotten a taste for the vast unknown that lay ahead, we both wanted to make footprints of our own in the sand.
Every now and then I turn around and squint my eyes for a glimpse of his lost silhouette but now it has completely disappeared. The sudden silence and independence is both terrifying and exhilarating.
I still think of his generous heart and kind smile, the kind I know he only reserved for me and it makes me sad that our journeys must be different but it also makes me smile because to know and feel a love like that, is priceless. Apart from showing me how to love, he brought out a love I didn't believe I had the capacity to extend and for that alone, I will be forever grateful.
I close my eyes and pray that he is well on his way to the end of the rainbow as I am too, clearly just to the opposite end of the exact same rainbow.
Never willing to undo, never willing to forget, never willing to say goodbye.
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